Splendra...I have wondered exactly the same thing about my reasons for being long distance and maintaining a relationship which appears to be going nowhere now as a result of the boundaries I established.
There was a time, up until a year ago, when I really thrived on being around ABF. He made me feel safe. And then he started to really backslide and I decided I had to protect myself and what was mine.
I don't like drama! I like the day-to-day despite the fact that I am a very strong and independent woman. I think, however, that I need to see actions from a partner as proof of his sincerity. I was married for 22 years...my STBX (long drawn out divorce and we have been separated for nearly 4 years) really threw me for a loop when I discovered he had been in an affair for the five previous years. I knew I could never trust him again and that is why our M ended. That's when I learned about boundaries and understanding my co-dep behaviours as STBX is a workaholic BIG TIME.
With these "small" lies now which I am accutely aware of, I feel as if I am learning more about what it is I want from any long-term relationship. One thing I do know is that I will never "accommodate" another person's disrespectful behaviour. The disrespect just feeds the "drama".
Thanks for helping me to think about this!
ARL