The process of transformation succeeds if we become proactive and willing to take full respons. for out share of the problems in our lives. Splendra, you hit it on the head. Until I was 40 all of my BF and two husbands lived in different cities I did not know how to have real intimacy so unconsciously I picked distant men in other cities. When I decided I did want more from a relationship I had to figure out how to be different long before I selected a diff. type of mate.