Hey (((((ARealLady)))))
I really understand your pain. I know you are a smart woman and you will figure out what you need to do for yourself.
I don't know why you are involved in a long distance relationship if you don't mind my asking does it have anything to do with your desire to not be close to someone?
I had a long distance relationship once and I realized the reason I did not find someone local is that I personally did not want the day to day stuff and I wanted to be independent and just have fun without any real ties. In looking back I can see that I did not want real intimacy.
Since I chose a drug addict to be in a close relationship with the same question has come up for me am I involved with him because I still do not real intimacy? The more I think about this I am beginning to see that I have had lots of drama from relationships but not true intimacy and that is more about me than them...