Your alanon friends might say you have a broken "picker".
Many of us do.
So.. are you still in that relationship? Or is it another in the past?
Are you working the steps with a sponsor? If not, my first suggestion would be to get a sponsor and do that footwork. Going through those steps - mostly writing and talking - helped me become clear about who I was and how I was so much like so many others.
...and not nearly as "unique" as I once thought.
I also attend "book study" meetings. These can be eye-opening. AA or Alanon... I've loved them all. You might be surprised (or not!) again by all the similarities.
I wish you well.