((Jeri)) It does sound like a good place to try to start healing again from. Earthworm is right....he is sick. It's terribly sad.
Not to go OT, but the thing that also scares me was the part about his "true self" not coming out until after the marriage. My X was kind of the same way. One month before our wedding, he called me a "stupid f'n c***." It was isolated. After the wedding, things definitely shifted gears. It just terrifies me that I could be so oblivious again.