Greetings,
Here is my little story:
I was brought into this world by 2 alcoholics. The first 7 years of my life I lived with my grandparents, this was an oddity at that time, today, it is very common place. They provided the security and attention I needed.
At 7 I went back to my mother, we lived in one room in the back of a food store she owned. We had no shower or bath tub, and a two burner stove. She was out most every night, then she met this guy who she married, she had a son, we moved to an apartment. Now, they were both out most every night, I closed the store at night and took care of my brother, I was 11 years old, an adult in a childs body. She divorced that man and married a raging alcoholic. I moved in with my Dad at age 15,he had remarried, and they both drank.
At 18 I moved out and never looked back.
My father stopped drinking about 10 years ago, he is a dry drunk. His wife died 8 years ago, she drank herself to death.
My mother still drinks, everyday, she has been drinking for over 60 years, and never will quit, and, never has sought recovery. I have given up on her.
There have been times I did not speak to her, the last time for 10 years, I had to get away from her and her insanity.
I set my bounderies, if she calls drunk, I hang up. If I am with her and she starts on me, I just walk out, no goodbye no nothing. I stick to my bounderies.
I have made many bad choices in men, I believe due to my childhood, what I saw, what I precieved on how to live, but in each case, I was able to dig myself out, wiser and stronger.
Neither my brother or I have ever used drugs or drink to an excess, neither of us have any children, by choice, we just couldn't do it, we were afraid that we wouldn't be good parents based on our history. In that area, neither of us have any regrets.
We both have had successful careers, and funneled our energy into that area.
I have no anamosity towards my parents, I have forgiven them, and have used my childhood as a guidepost, not a hitching post. I keep them both at an arms length away, I say No, when No is the right answer for me.
My mother is soon to be 82 and will die an alcoholic, hows she's lived that long is a mystery to me and I will be at peace when she dies. I have done my part, forged my own life and forgiven her....there is nothing else I can do.
The entire point of this long post is, move forward with your life, accept what you cannot change, and make the right choices for you, we only go around once, and it is up to us to make our life what we want it to be.
Keep posting, lots of great people here, who care.