No no nooooooooooo
None of you are EVER too good for me!
Don't you get it?
I just got back from performing tonight at the comedy club.First time sober.Ever-since I started comedy 3 and a half years ago.
I just had the most awful time-sober.None of them don't drink or use.I didn't.Backstage?I was offered everything.I said no to it all.I still don't know why.
And......luckily for me-I was on second tonight.I did my gig-and got the hell out.I didn't have to stay.I just couldn't.
Now I'm home.
And I just feel so desperate and ashamed I even posted this thread.
I want to be honest-I started tonight.I told every comedian performing with me I couldn't drink anymore-that I was an alcoholic.And I thought it would make me feel better.It didn't-I feel like ****!But-they were so good about it-even though they use and drink.What the heck is up with that?Why?
But-I'm so tired of the lies.
I'm so effing tired.
I hope you can forgive me.I wanted you all to hate me.It would have been so much easier.It's what I'm used to.It's so much easier than trying to accept love-and that's all you've given me.I'm trying(oh-in so many ways eh?lol)So I'll just say this....
My name is Jules-(I'll ditch the Rose username if I can-I was hiding)I'm an alcoholic-and I hate that I am-but....I need you.I do.And....I'm sorry.I'm really sorry......
You don't have to be nice to me-I just put you all through something awful.I was a princess(Rowan-you knew....lol) and-I just feel so guilty.But-I know who I am.It's me.Jules.Idiot-sometimes funny-sometimes humble-often an ass....I know..
Jules-more than a little mortified at her recent behaviour....