I feel the pain in your posts here and I know how much you want the man he used to be back again. We all want that, but sweetie, the man he used to be has turned into a dangerous, hateful, mean, controlling monster, and wishing it were different just won't make it so.
You made good choices when you got a restraining order against him, and perhaps some not so good choices when you allowed him to communicate with you anyway...and forgive me, I don't mean to take your inventory.
You and your children are safe when you are apart from him and living your own life. If you forget how bad it was, just look at his reaction to not getting his own way, just look at the mean hateful things he says to your daughter and just look at how self-important he thinks he is to ignore the RO and threaten you with his proposed actions.
My prayers of healing go out for you and your children. None of this is easy for any of us, but walking together gives us courage to get through it.
Hugs