thank you again - to everyone who has reached out to me - it is now sunday afternoon and i have managed to go without contact for 2 days now - believe it or not, this IS a big step for me - of course since he is probably now only focused on using again, he probably hasn't realized i'm gone but i realize and thats whats important, right? I don't want to be a mistress anymore - regardless of how much i love this man - I wan't to like myself again and for everyone who mentioned my children - double thanks, i love them more than anything and they don't deserve their life to be turned inside out! I'm going to try so hard but i know i can only take it minute by minute - i hope its okay that i come online to this site when i feel a strong urge to call him - thank you again for giving me hope that i will come through this - peapods (lisa)