cyberwolf

Hi all

Been posting in other areas regularly but having my own little struggle just now, so thought I'd posthere. I know you guys will all have been through this and worse but I need to vent.

I love my mum with all the love my heart can hold but she is slowly killing herself with alcohol (sh*t thats scary to admit( I am 33 years old and I grew up learning that if something comes along you cant deal with then you drink...yip I know I have a choice but it is a bit like learned behaviour, difference is this behaviour is seriously destructive to me.

Anyways as a kid I had a good childhood, dont really remember when things started to go wrong but sh*t my mum could drink and just as quick her personality would change. I used to come home from school to find her passed out in her own vomit or urine, and try to clean up before dad got home (like he didnt know)

She used to hide whisky bottles in the bin the tumble dryer and even the washing machine, I used to find them and pour them out and man she'd get mad with me, get to the shops get drunk and be reall angry with me. Got hit and stuff. But now she still drinks and I still love her and my dad still with her.

Guess I just need to speak to those who know where I am coming at...

I remember her giving us tea one night *****d as a newt, she served up steak pie veg etc, only prob was she never put any plates down 1st soo the food was served on the table. I dont know how old I was, but now I seem to react the same way to problems, how can I get past this.

Any help appreciated. For those who read other threads I am struggling generally but feel that the tools I was taught was alcohol to deal with anything.

And there is resentment, never ever admitted that but from like 10 this happened in my house, though like I say I canb't remember exactly.

Scared Im gonna be the same.....

Thanks for reading

CW