Oh Peapod.... (((hugs)))
Been there, done that... got burned.
I wasn't married at the time, but he was. With new babies in his life and a wife who SO desperately needed him. But where was he? Out chasing me. Doing things that made me feel special and unique and needed and wanted and loved. Things his wife deserved and needed.
He was (and still is, I think) an alcoholic... a charmer. A rake. Handsome. Captivating.
I had NEVER been treated so well. I had NEVER been "wooed" or "chased" or NEEDED. It is a heady feeling.
But it isn't "real"... as you are finding out. The minute you start trying to pin him down to real commitment.... real actions - suddenly, crap starts happening.
In the years since my affair with him, I have discovered many things about myself. I know that I am desireable... and that being desireable is not a factor of how much I weigh or how tall I am or what color is my skin... but is more of an attitude of self confidence.
Ann is right (she often is... smile).
Why not focus on some counseling around your issues with self-esteem, confidence and strength? Figuring out how NOT to need others to determine your self-worth. Fill up every spare moment.
That can have 2 outcomes - you become stronger... and you stay away from him.
Mavis was very direct and I agree with her. Bringing that man's addiction around your children is wrong. His pain and struggles are not THEIR path... they deserve better.
So do you.
((((Peapods))))