In awe of your support..
Thank you to each and everyone of you who took the time to reply to my post - i'm sitting at my computer crying because not one of you bashed me for my actions. I am so ashamed of what i have allowed to happen for the past 2+ years - I was raised with morals and somewhere along the way they got lost - I did fall in love with the man - and I believed with all my heart that he fell in love with me too. He always told me he was an addict, he lied, thats what he did. He never "wanted to hurt me" - our connection was more "emotional than physical" in so many ways...these are just an inkling of what he told me - what finally made me seek help was the other day he told me "when he was with me it was the only time and place where his troubles completely went away." that statement screamed fantasy to me - not reality - i told him i was in this for real and i didn't want to just be a place of escape for him - two days later i was told to "walk away - he was having thoughts of using again - " when i was reading everyones posts amazingly they were all of the same thought....amazing to ME because i guess i didn't want to hear the truth - i'm still clinging to the thought that he truly does love me and that we were meant to be together and we could fight this demon together - blah, blah, blah, you wouldn't know it but i am a fairly intelligent woman and yet i actually just wrote all that garbage....for those who recommended therapy - did that , last year also had to start taking prozac once a day (never in my 42 years have i needed an antidepressant..) therapist told me i was a classic codependent - she actually cried during one of our sessions because she was so "worried for me." I must be pretty pathetic to make a professional therapist cry. I will do my very best (all i can promise to myself at this point) to walk away - or run away, I guess would be better and focus more on MY life and sorting through MY problems. I have to admit its so hard because he is never off my mind or out of my heart. Lastly, I would like to apologize for any woman/man out there who has been hurt by a "third party" - I am the "third party" and I hate myself every day for being who I am.