I agree with Elana, it sounds like a form of grief to me, and grief has many stages including anger, resentment, sadness, and a sense of loss (which for codies may be the loss of dreams or of what might have been if addiction was not in the way).
It's okay to grieve, it's healthy and washes our souls. And it's okay to share and let us walk with you because that's what friends are for.
Hugs