You summed it up well sugarpup...that's an awful lot of un's, but very acurate. I worry that if my AH does decide to get sober, he will remain an "un"happy person. You say you are not a strong person, just because you take his BS to heart...You sound to me like you are alot stronger than what you give yourself credit for. Take care of you and your kids...you are a strong, caring, lovable, reliable, emoitional (feeling) person who deserves the same in return. Hang in there and here...it will get better.