Originally Posted by duet_4-8

dw,
This is kind of blunt, but it is said with love and concern for you and your kids. I don't mean to offend, and quite frankly it took a couple of people being bluntly honest with me before I began to 'get' what I was truly dealing with. Made me angry at first, but they were so right! The choice about what you do is yours and yours alone, but......

He is quacking so loud I can hear it in Tennessee! He is not interested in recovery, he is interested in going back to the status quo. He is trying to intimidate and manipulate you into doing what he wants. He is pulling at your heartstrings using your kids as weapons. He is attempting to make you feel guilty for protecting yourself and your kids from his abusiveness. HE is giving YOU ultimatums. The question is, what are you doing to do with them? If you give in, it will not be any easier next time. And there will be a next time.

He does not care about you or your children in the way that a healthy husband/father would. It's sad and it's hard to accept, but it's reality. It sucks. I hate it for you and for me. But it is what it is.

I hear you still grasping that hope that he will miraculously change into what you want him to be. Sorry, not likely to happen and letting him come home will make the odds even worse.

Set your boundaries-UNCONDITIONAL BOUNDARIES-concerning what you will and will not allow in your life. No "if you.....then I'll...." or "if you don't...then I will....". I said it before and I am saying it again-give him his life back. You are still trying to control what he does and it will not work.

Again, all said out of concern for you. What you decide to do is your decision and everyone here including me will respect that. I had to keep giving my ex just one more chance until I just couldn't do it anymore; so do you. Geez, it took me 25 years, so I really do understand. I hurt for you, and for your kids.

hugs and prayers...