A "hand up" is absolutely an AA slogan. The idea is that the A is not looking for an enabler, but for genuine help in moving forward with life and recovery. The problem is, I agree with you that A's often use those slogans in a manipulative way. There is nothing wrong with looking for a "hand up". Everyone can use a helping hand at times. However, IMHO your alcoholic is approaching the wrong person for this help. I am assuming that at some point in your history together, you inadvertently enabled him in some way. By coming to you, who has (from what I can see) taken steps to detach from him, he is most likely expecting you to once again provide for him in some way, and get him out of a difficult situation. It is an unfair position to put you in, and my feeling is that if he was as far along in his recovery as he says, he would know that and would never put you in such a difficult place. The whole thing smacks of manipulation to me, even if only on a subconcsious level. Remember, A's are masterful liars, especially to themselves.