Emotional Dialogs ~ Will it ever stop...
On the way home from work tonight I found myself thinking of the exAbf. I was realizing that so many of the problems we had were revealing that the alcohol was just a symptom of many onther deeper issues.
I began to feel soo sad for him. Because I know he has a good heart but the things that have happened to him he cannot cope with and uses alcohol to supress those issues. And the alcohol in its self causes so many mistakes to be so easily made by him.
I do not want to repaint the situation, nor do I want him back. But I hate to see any hurt. And just beginning to see that the alcohol was just a sympton of things I knew of but didnt want to acknowledge myself when he told me. I couldnt help him, I didnt have the tools.
But, I was/is codie and got lost in the mess. My hearts breaks because he is lost in this world and I cannot nor will I do anything anymore about it.
I have to in all my brokenness turn him over to god. And pray for the best.
....man I wish this would all just stop and I could on, not care so much anylonger. I keep moving farther away from our past but I still find myself loving him. I would not ever want him back in my life but I also wish he could find the strenght to find his inner healing. A wasted life is sad anyway you look at it.