Hi CE..how are you doing ?
For me...it was like detoxing. The relarionship was very intoxicating.
My body tremble all over, I felt sick half of the time.
I was an emotional wreack. I would have to just step outside
or lock myself in the bathroom and allow myself to cried..during work.
Strange as it was..i had a puppy follow me home and stay with me
for a week. it was as if something knew I needed help and an angle
was there for me...in a form of a puppy.
i didn't judge myself much..the rule of thumb for me was..
not to beat up on myself no matter what. i had plenty of
break downs the tears were hot as if all the pioson were being
flush out of my mind..I notice after a good cry..I get clearer.
i still had a bit of a rough time with my HP becuase my head would
spin sometimes. I just focus on god or my HP or the light at the end of the tunnel
or the prize. i knew changes wasn't going to be easy.
It's like going against the grain of everything i was taught.
And the guilt trip was there..so i remember "screw guilt"
iT was five minutes at a time at first, but that what i did
to get me through. Gradually i started to be kinder and more gental
with myself. i started doing things for me..even at first I felt guilty
for doing it..but screw guilt.
This sentence help me when guilt creeps in..
"it not that I don't love her...It that i love her too much"