sthrnraizd

It seems that it may have taken me a while to get here but I am here now. I realize that I must find the way to let go and forgive my injustices'. My goodness we all live in a fallen state and I have been the one preaching about judging one another out of this place WE are all in. Yet I see that overcoming the emotions of the flesh is one wicked battle. Not everyone wins this battle I have noticed, and if won it is not at the same time. It's like a time line and we all maybe follow the same path but we progress at our own pace. Sadly some never progress at all.

Having had all these years of Christian indoctrination you'd think I could just forgive and go on. Honestly that may be the one area of my life that I have never truly surrendered to God. Forgiveness has always been difficult for me. I guess if I could just forget whatever the deed; it would be gone and there was no need - feeling that I needed to forgive. (That has been my error)

Fortunately, now in my life I see the need to truly grasp the forgiveness thing. I do not want to be tied to my past because of unforgiveness or unhealthy soul ties. How did I find myself here again? Lord only knows how stubborn I have been all my life :-)

First, I must remind myself we are all fallen from Grace. Some of us have found salvation, some of us are just truly lost in this big ole world and it does a number on us in so many ways. I must see, realize, what to expect from everyone in my life. Do not sugar coat my impression of things, and do not expect anyone to give me more than they can. You are the best your going to be when I interact with you. I cannot expect more than that or I am in the wrong. And it adds undo pressure on you and opens up door for me to get hurt by something I created.

Secondly, if I have been, or feel wounded from you then I need to take it for what it's worth. Not from what I made it out to be and let it go. Accept it, know where it came from and forgive the injustice of fallen grace. You are the best you can be now.

Thirdly, I need to remember from where my salvation, strength and grace come from. Do not tie myself to unhealthy people, friends, or relationships. Pray over myself that I am bound to the cross of Christ, his act of salvation and redemption. I am bound to the plan and design God created for me. Acknowledge that I may by physically bound in a fallen body, spiritually I am bound to LOVE, bound to the one who will never hurt me, or abuse me. I am bound to the one who designed a plan for my life that is far greater than anything I can or could imagine!

Forth, I need to pray release from the cause and effects of this fallen nature. I release rejection, insecurity, negative soul ties, my own path of creation, I release the plans layed up against my life and my soul by everyone but God. I release the hurt I in my heart and soul from those I have allowed to hurt me in my life.

Fifthly, I repent from laying aside all I know as truth. I repent from laying aside my tools for survival and trusting in fallen vessels for my provision and strength and self worth.

Lord, help me to wash off, shake off the dust and polish again my truths, my tools, my sword and armour! Father to those I allowed to wound my heart and soul I forgive them and ask that you BLESS them instead of the retribution I may feel in my flesh. Extend strength and protection towards them. Let your love embrace and heal their wounds as you have and do mine....

***My one struggle with all these nice words are that I wish I could tell exabf that I forgive him and want to release him from any burden he may carry from the things he did to me/us. And I pray he can forgive himself,and find peace. But he does not want any contact and when I look at the calendar and see the number of days its been without I do not want to break the streak. It's a circle of wanting what I do not want and cannot have. I guess there is more to work on :-)