Thanks..I think I am gonna do it tomorrow. I am gonna try like hell anyway.
I need to do something. I cant just do what I have been doing. Which is half assed attempts at treatment and not following through. I need something.
I am scared that when and if the time comes when someone asks me what brought me there. And I have to say I relapsed and tried to kill myself. And i mean totally lost my mind and the way I did it. I mean it is insane.
I think thats what bothers me. Because it hasnt really sunk in what I did until now. I have been stepping back and looking in on myself. And I must have totally snapped to do what I did. I feel stupid..really weak and embarrassed that I would go to those lengths.
It hasnt sunk in becuase I was so out of it and dont remember most of it.
So I have to ask questions to people that were there and really think about it to get the affect from it.
And I seriously must be mental.
How do people react to that?
I am ashamed. I dont like telling my Drs when they ask.
But I am the type if I am gonna tell a story..I am gonna tell it all. Because it is all part of why I am where I am.
Maybe I shouldnt talk at all.
I'm good for not knowing when to shut up.
But anyway. I think I will do that. ANd just sit in the back or something and just listen. I need to do more of that anyway.