thank you all so much for your words. Its 8:30 and im sober. Its 8:30 and my hubby is sober. He is more than willing to quit with me, and admits that his jangled nerves tonight prove that its a problem. While he soaks in the tub with his bubbles and magazine, ive been busting butt in the garden.
and much wandering around aimlessley ... watering plants even though its going to rain in about 5 minutes.
i am considering AA. There are parts of that program that I dont want to face quite yet. Amends, specifically. Ill get there. But today it was enough just to drink plain diet coke, knowing what the future holds. I cried because i know that Im never going to be one of those people that can have a glass of wine with dinner. I want to be a person who can, but Im not made that way. Ive never really thought about it like that before. I dont care if its something I did to myself, or if its genetics or what the culprit is, the outcome is the same.