I hope your session went well...I find it is a little easier to be firm with my boundaries when i am not front and center, so I am glad for you that he is living outside your home. I agree with Big Sis...boundaries are about what is acceptable and unacceptable to me, not about attempting to change behavior. Once I gave up that thought of wanting to control (Naranon meetings and 12 step work helped me there so much) it was easier for me to learn to say what I mean without saying it mean. LIke you, I spent my life until last year trying to please everyone and i had a very hard time saying no.
Please don't forget to give yourself credit for each little step you take. This didn't happen overnight and getting better...our recovery takes time too. If you and your husband can find some Alanon or Naranon meetigns, that may help the hurt too. Addiction IS a family disease...you have my prayers and hope that you all may find recovery. Hugs