Sometimes, the miracle is recognizing that you deserve more out of life and walking away. I waited 24 years for what I thought was "my miracle"--a sober life with Richard. And while he did reach and maintain sobriety for 8 months, his life was still centered around drinking--or not drinking. My life was centered around him and his life was centered around AA. I was still giving it my all and receiving very little in return.
And on top of that, he had relapses. Two major relapses, followed by long periods of sobriety. As I began to grow stronger, I began to realize that I still deserved more than this. Living life with a sober partner means always waiting for the ball to drop. Waiting for the next relapse. It doesn't matter if it never comes. All it takes is fear that it may come to keep a person from living their best life.
I want a life lived in freedom from alcoholism, not a life lived in fear of alcoholism. And the only way I could guarantee that was to end my relationship with Richard. I still love him dearly. I know I always will. But I've come to love myself more.
After waiting for 24 years for Richard to get his life together, I was no longer willing to "give it another year." So I walked away knowing that Richard was giving it his all. And it was the best decision I've ever made. I've taken my life back and I'll never give it away or let someone else's addiction control me again.