QT, I know how you feel. The first time my A was in rehab, was the first time for me.
Essentially, I think this is the first time for you too
I oftened wondered too, what was he thinking? I walked on eggshells, afraid to say anything that might mess with his recovery. But I had fears and questions too. I didn't talk about it with him for almost the reasons you don't. I was confused and not really sure how to handle it all. Looking back, Ididn't even realize they gave detoxing A's some heavy duty meds to help them with withdrawals. Essentially, inthe begining, he was still altered.
As he was weaned off the drugs, after detox, he bacame a tad more lucid. Again, it was still all bout him and his day, and this meeting and that person yaddda, yadda, yadda,,,But I was noticing he was more cognitive of reality each and every day.
I too had a LONG drive both ways. I decided, I needed to make some of this time, and yes, truth be told, some of my THOUGHTS out while he was SOBER. I didn't frankly CARE at that point he was in a facility. It was my opportunity to finally say, "shut up for a few minutes BIG DOPE" and lets talk about the things that have been festering at the surface for so long!!!"
Up front, honest and open
I told him how I felt. He told me how he felt
Neither one of us screwed up the other's head
We did learn, we had a lot to work on,,Formulated a plan of attack so to speak. For us it was counseling and working our indiviual programs
And in the porcess I made GOOD use of the time I was there to make the distance worth it,,,,When I would visit thereafter, yes, we talked about his prgress, meeting ect. But the difference was we incorporated HIS recovery into "our" recovery. We talked about how what he was learning affected ME.
Have you thought about asking him what he thinks?
Peace