QT, I think Laurie has some great posts on this if you have time (ha!) to go back and search them. I haven't been through this, so my responses are more along what can help you. From what I gather, he's early in. It does sound like all the focus is on him right now, and I'm not sure that's particularly a good thing. Yes, he's the drinker; yes, he's in rehab. But what about you? Which seems to be what you're asking, too. You mentioned before you don't want to do Al-Anon, but is there anything else in your area that could help you get out of the cycle you're in?
Sending you some afternoon ((()))s.
p.s. what are you making? stuffed shells???