So, where do I draw the line with my children?
GF, I had a similiar situation where I lost someone I love trust and had to earn it back. Wasn't quite 13 years, but a good 10 years solid.
Eventually, it got to the point where I would ask myself, "what else do I have to do in order for us to move past this?"
The answer for me?
Take CREDIT for it finally!!!
The next time the "argument" came up and I got "well, the reason I do this is because of what you did" I let loose. Not angrily or with malice or rage. Quite calmly I said, " I have been trying for the last TEN YEARS to right the wrong and regain your trust. I have given you NO reason in that time to mistrust me. It is now up to you to decide if you can forgive and get past it, because I will not take you throwing it in my face, everytime we have a problem we're trying to resolve"
I truly felt that in my core and drew the line. No "explanation" for what I did back then. Just a simple statement of what I had done SINCE then. It was no longer acceptable for him to use it against me.
Sh** or get off the pot was basically what I was telling him to do
he never mentioned it again. I stayed married to him for another 13 years, till he died of cancer.
Peace