I've just now come back to read the other replies and I thank you for them sooo much.
The situation with my family has not changed at all, in fact, all 3 (daughter, son, sister) are all mad at me.
Why? Because I finally told them all that
1) I love them
2) I need, like everyone else does, to be treated as they themselves would want to be treated.
There was a time that I would do anything I could for my kids because I was a drinker for 10 years after the end of my first (abusive marriage to their Dad). And, because of that, I carried around HUGE guilt. I quit drinking 13 yrs ago and since then, I knew it was going to take me a long time to regain my kids' trust, but I was willing to do that.
Over the years, I've been steady, reliable and even though they hurt me by leaving me out of their lives, not thinking of me on mother's Day, my bday, Christmas, didn't want to be in my 2nd wedding, didn't call when I had my colon cancer...they always put their dad first (he had the $ more than I did and the power/control thing)......I've still been there for them.
I've paid for my son's real estate college. We did the condo together and he admitted to me that his friends came first and that his $ went to bbq's and partying instead of rent to me each month. I've supported my daughter in her singing career and have encouraged her, promoted her.....just poured myself into my kids.
But, they still leave me out. They're 28 and 26 yrs old. And, I finally told them that I will no longer accept being treated without respect. I will no longer be taken for granted and I will no longer except the copout of "Oh, Mom! You're way too emotional!".......heck yeah, I'm emotional. I've been a doormat for my kids to wipe their feet on for years and I'm tired of it.
My sister's head is all about her daughter right now and what's coming up and I totally understand that. But, no....I do not wanna go when they're gonna be so busy that I'll be like a fly on the wall the whole weekend. Granted, I don't have the kind of $ that I paid for the ticket (she didn't tell me about all the parties ahead of time) and my niece's grad/bday present and now $150 more to change the ticket. But, I have an understanding of where my sister's head is at right now.
She told me "You made the choice and then changed your mind",.....so, whatever.
I don't know if I'm alienating myself from my loved ones now because of my pain or because I've finally gotten to the point to where......the HECK WITH IT! I've got to say something and I'm gonna say it and if they don't like it......too bad.
I've kept in my feelings for soooooooo long for fear that I'd lose everybody and that I'd hurt someone. But, what about me? I've been in pain for being a people pleaser all of my life.
So,.........is it right to tell others when you've felt that they've hurt you? And, if they walk away and call you "crazy".....how do you deal with that?
I'm totally alone now, but I've told them, for the first time, how I've truly felt all of these years.
Did I totally blow that?
Thank you..