Hi Capergirl,
Welcome and I'm glad you found us.
I think that guilt and shame were the hardest things to deal with when I stopped drinking. I couldn't believe the person I had become and I struggled with it for years. Finally, someone here suggested that I start a journal. I really resisted because I just didn't want to see the words written down on paper, so I put it off and continued to struggle. Eventually, I was desperate and began to write. When something would come into my mind, I'd write it down and it took almost a year to get it all out. Finally, I burned the journal and had released most of my 'stuff'. Forgiving yourself takes patience and time.