hi
so i thought that i would share my story.....well as far as its gotten anyway..........so i'm 27 years old and ive been addicted to oxycotton for about 3 or so years....well ive been "clean" for about 2 months...I went to a detox facility for about 2 weeks untill the worst of it was over...then i signed myself out...for me it was just to hard on the head...thats all ppl talked about ...like i never used needles but now i know how....cause thats al that was talked about in there.....i'm not saying detox is a bad thing...it just wasnt for me..well any longer then it had to be
so i have a boyfriend he's been clean for about a year now....which now that i look back i have no idea how he did it .....watching me get high right in frount of him everysingle day...and he never touched it....i couldnt do it....**** i haven't really left the house in 2 months because i'm scared lol....i just don't trust myself
I'm also a mom ....i have 2 little boys (9 & 4)...who don't live with me right now....i think that was deff the hardest part in all of this......I had to send them to live someware else because i love them enough to know thats whats best for them right now....i can't look after myself ....how can i take care of them properly....i still see them almost everyday...but it just got to the point were i figured i can let them go for a little while and get the help i need or i'm going to loose them forever.
So physically i feel good....its awsome to not wake up sick every morning and have to come up with the money ect ect.....i guess from here on it its a battle with myself.....i got part of me thinking this is good and i can do this but i still have this little voice back there saying....."you havent been high in forever...if ya did do it....youd proubally get high like you used to......cause like for the first 6-7 months or so it got me high after that it didnt any more ....i needed it to function....just to get out of bed
It's funny though cause ive tried lots of drugs just now and then if they were there at a party and free or whatever but it wasnt any big thing but the first time i tried oxys i loved it.......i didnt go not one day with out it for years
i guess my biggest question is how do you forgive yourself??? I did alot of things that now i look back and im like oh my god ......who was that person ....cause it just wasnt me......i dont lie cheat and steal....but i did it ....and i did it for drugs...i put all my time and money and energy into stupid pills....instead of the people that i love and that love me.......just to feel good about myself ....but now i hate myself more than ever for the things ive done.
anyway this is turning into an essay....and i could go on for days
tks
I know that I'm not yet the person I can be, but I thank God I'm not the person I used to be.