Trying..
WELCOME! I too have an AS, and it breaks my heart almost every second of every day. I encourage you to attend meetings. I started a Al-anon meetings before I was aware there was a noarcots support group in town. i still attend both weekly - take out alcohol and put in addiction; the insanity is parallel. I pray without ceasing. How far is down? farther than i could ever imagine! Toxic GF, self defeating behaviors, accusations "you don't love me enough, its not fair, bla bla bla'; it's all my fault, accountability and responsibility is everyones but his / theirs. I have no answers, each journey is different to a degree. I am hear for MY recovery, for MY sanity, so I can learn how to set safe boundaries. If I continue to 'fix' (LOL) what is his responsibilty then he learns nothing. I have learned I can't look at myself in the mirror and say 'well you fixed it why hasn't he changed?' with a straigh face any longer. i can't fix it - he / they have too. i can love and I can pray and I can allow them the dignity to pull themselves up. And I pray for the courage to get through the results ( + / -) of their choices. Detaching with love is by far one of the hardest things I have ever had to learn. I remain somewhat inconsistent in my actions - yet not as bad as I used to be. If I expect their actions to match their words then my actions need to match my words as well. I am learning and i am growing and I pray the A's throughout our lives will do the same. Keep coming back to this group. Their wisdom, love and friendships are HUGE. I know none of them personally (as in face to face); yet would so love to sit down and have coffee or dinner with anyone of them. I pray our collective recovery DOES MAKE A DIFFERENCE in this evil, cunning and baffeling world of addiction. I do believe when we get better, to some degree they will be enlightened as well. There are no guarantees for their recovery - THEY have to want it for themselves as much as we want it for them. As a mom it is very tough for me to comprehend all the boo-boo's I could fix when they were small, this one I can not fix. And he sometimes looks as me as if I could / should. You are loved, hang in there and keep coming back - it works! hugs and HP Blessings / M