Break Free
Hi, I really understand your that your heart is breaking. My son has been using for 8 yrs and he is 23.
It sometimes takes us as parents a long time to admit there may be a problem and much longer to let go because we love our kids so much and all I ever wanted was for him to be happy. I just didnt get it. My eldest son is an addict and extremely handsome too. He never stole from me, that I know of. I always feared it but he would sell his own stuff first. I actually kicked him out of home at 16 because of the violence and he went to live with his father which ended in disaster too.
Anyway, you have to Break free from him - he has to have consequences and know how much he has hurt you. The emotional game playing is unbearable and frustrating I know, so to be human you must let him go. Do not let him live with you if he is using, give no money and do not let him in the house alone. My son too told me horrible things because its about them. Ended up he was stealing, arrested etc etc and it just about killed me. My son stealing, I blamed myself but I know it wasnt my fault. I treated my sons equally and brought them up with the same values. Im not perfect and either are you. Accept you have done all you can do and it is now up to him to find his way, get responsible and learn the hard way.
Good luck to you