This post is very timely for me. I have been examining my patterns lately, as well. A result of getting back out into the dating world.
I have discovered that I tend to get involved too quickly with men who are not good for me. I believe the reasons behind this are because in my family, men reigned supreme. Women were second-class citizens whose job it was to serve the men. Even though I rejected the concept intellectually, and even rebelled against it, it was programmed into me long before I had enough reasoning capability to dispute it. So, as a result, it seems that I tend to 'take what I can get' in the man department because having any man is better than having none at all.
I didn't really realize how programmed I was until I started dating recently. I found myself rationalizing the good points of a guy I dated a few times and totally minimizing the red flags. It took some real soul searching to honestly admit what I was doing and admit that some sick part of me was still trying to be needed--without regard to WHO it was who was needing me. Or more accurately, needing to be needed by someone who treated me like a second-class citizen.
Thankfully, I was able to recognize this unhealthy behavior before I got involved with someone I shouldn't have.
The flip side is that I was also dating someone who is gentle and kind and an intellectual equal, and I nearly rejected the possibility of continuing to get to know him. I told myself that he 'wasn't my type' 'didn't feel any attraction' etc. I almost blew him off because he wasn't overbearing, controlling, and disrespectful. I learned that I still have a ways to go in recovery. I'm very pleased that I was able to recognize my unhealthy behavior, though, and move to correct it.
And I'm still seeing the guy who I thought wasn't my type and we are becoming close friends. And who knows where it might go..........
L