That is the driving factor in my distance and coldness to him.
Thank you Bjen, thats what ALL of this comes down to for me. It's not "codieism" but genuine love and compassion for another human being.
I also realized, even though I've been tormenting myself about all this being for not. That my A will get it, and move on without me. I knew that wouldn't happen. If I thought it would, I would have stayed.
I've been stripped of my denial.
You know what I WISH with ALL my heart, he HAD gotten it and moved on!!!
I've been given that "gift".
It's still not easy, and I struggle EVERY day with the decisions I've made. But I've made some. While he continues to try and hold the walls up, too "altered" to realize he'll be among the rubble, holding his bottle.
Peace