I think it can be very important in a marriage to take the "proper" steps. It helped me enormously to not act in an "all me, against him" fashion. Yes, I finally started making choices that were right for me, but I articulated what I needed to do to my marriage partner. It's what I believe you do in a marriage. It's what I chose to do after having that one sided conversation that mattered. I have been able to move forward because I don't have lingering guilt or doubts that I didn't try.
It's different for everyone.