Busy

Hi my name is Tracey i have been in and out of recovery for months now.I always seemed to find a reason to drink again,sad little excuses that would make it okay.I've been to some meetings and was really getting things straight then my dad had a car accident just over a month ago, he blacked out and was very lucky he wasn't hurt badly.But now after tests the doctors say something irregular is showing in his brain and will need a cat scan to be sure of what it is.Needless to say my dad is preety scared and the rest of my family just don't know, you try not to think the worst but it is worriesome.I'm very close to my dad and this past month has really taken a toll, i know the drinking won't help but i'm afraid to see what feelings are there.Everyday i wake up thinking if i could get to a meeting and not drink, iosolation has become my friend last nite i found myself driving around so i wouldn't have to go home because my roomate was there.I just sat in my car and drank.I feel this emptiness and wonder if maybe i could find the faith to believe God just might lead me, if every i needed faith this is it because i just have no idea how to deal with any of this and it may get worse.I'm not really sure what i'm asking other than what gave you all faith and how did you let god in.(maybe this is a very dumb question but things are bad and getting worse and i just need alittle hope)
Tracey