gns - sorry for your pain....i am struggling too...but from what i keep reading here, if we stick to our no contact boundry and keep pushing forward, and educating ourselves...things will eventually get better...i do believe that one day i will turn the corner and no longer look back...i just hope it comes sooner rather than later!!! at least it is summer time now and lots to do - lots more distractions than in the dead of winter. hang in there and keep reading and posting!