Hi Girlfriend, Here is a thought, years ago my mother made a bad choice that greatly effected me and to this day I have issues because of it. A couple years back my mother said to me that she was very sorry. I told her then that I had already forgiven her and I told her I realize now how hard it is to be a parent since I am one also. I thanked her for it and it has helped me to continue to move forward. If u haven't already, maybe this would help. I would also add that I can't change the past I can only change the future and leave it at that. Being a parent is the toughest job I know! Take Care.....