the scariest point for me was recently ..........becoming aware of all the things he does in his active addiction and knowing what he's done to me breaking my trust and every promise hes ever made to me..........then hearing that voice in my head that says .....its ok you love him...............realizing that such a big part of me wants to stay despite the pain and finally seeing for myself that I have become ...........someone I never have been, someone who somewhere along the line became willing to reduce my standards...........