Lunapro

I actually do believe in a Higher Power. I've spent a good deal of my life trying to understand what it is, trying to figure out its nature and its relationship to me. I have struggled with issues of morality. This seemed especially important when I finally faced my need for recovery and was told that it was an essential element of any recovery effort.

While I believe that there is a non-material force in the universe, something that connects us all - I can't reconcile a belief that it takes a personal interest in the lives of individuals in any kind of material ways. This actually comes from a certain a compassion, really. How can I believe in a HP that will help me, a fairly privileged woman with my issues, but will allow a child in Iran to be raped and murdered in front of her family? It just doesn't make sense. Why would it cure me of a disease, but not cure my neighbor's little boy of cancer? I know certain religions do believe that it does - Christian Scientists, I think - but that doesn't seem to work for them.

I suspect that it will be increasingly realized that addiction is a disease of the brain, more akin to schizophrenia than a spiritual malady. I know there are doctors currently working on research in that direction.

Now I do believe that having a sense of this greater connection between all life enriches anyone, addict or not, and can make one stronger and better able to do the things one has to do to find the ways to heal oneself. I think that's where the HP comes in. But, for me, I have found that a sense of personal responsibility for seeking my own treatment has been far more motivating than a sense of powerlessness and seeking an outside force to cure me.

I actually think that the longer I'm sober more capable of truly understanding spirituality I'll become. Kind of like putting the cart after the horse, ya know.