I need a vent moment, hope its ok. SOmethings bugging me. MIL caklled today, during our conversation she said when your kids come too you hungry looking that bad, the mother in you kicks in they are your kids and you feed them, just dont send more with. (I agree with that) but she added moms always ahve hope its different for you you'll stop.
I ahve issues with that statement I told her nicely, Ill always have hope I just may not always be willing to involve myself. But the more I think about it, it bothers me. I married my husband in sickness and health. Ill always love him, always care and yes if he showed up skin and bones Id probably make him a sandwich if it didnt hurt us to part with the necessary items. But besides you guys Im alone here. MIL and SIL have husbands to comfort them when they are hurting over this, and I think its easier for them to detach. Im hurting for my lover, Im hurting for the person I thought Id spend my life with, Im hurting for my childrens pain and besides you guys when I lay in bed at night theres only God to comfort me.
She hates her exes, something Im nt even capable of with my first husband which I should be, Id never hate the person trapped under addiction just the things he does. She doesnt get that I dont think. No mater where life takes me and even if I decide to leave the marriage, Ill always love the man I fell in love with and always be concerned, theres a place in my heart that will always be there for him.
My mom and biological father have been divorced 22 years, and wshe'll tell you some things I say and bring up, or if I describe his yellowing from Oxy, a part of her still hurts for him, atleast she undersstands my feelings.
Does that make sense to you guys? I guess MIL doesnt know how hard it is for me to keep from going to get him, yet Im not doing that because I hope the long term outcome for all of us will benefit. Gosh do I want to run over ther and shake him and say why cant you just get it together so you can be with us...
...its just not that easy