Dear Patch, I am struggling with similiar issues with my 33 yr old SS. He was living with a woman & they had 2 boys together. Almost 2 yrs ago he threw her out as she was staying out all night for days on end, treating him badly, leaving him with the boys & not being home in time for him to go to wk etc. etc. So now my hubby & I are helping him raise the boys by himself. He is going to college part time & wking part time. Now he has just started dating someone.
I am having a hard time setting my boundaries. I want to help him but at the same time I don't want to be taken advantage of. everyone here is right all grown children have these issues with their parents not only ones who have been addicts.
He spends way too much money I think & if I say anything he'll tell me he needs it whatever it might be. Then if he is short he comes to me. We have helped him alot & most of the times he is very grateful & we get along fine, but there are times when I feel I am doing too much & he is still not doing enough. Even concerning my 2 grandsons I watch them when he goes to work, I watch them when he goes to school & even when he has to study. Being a single dad of 2 young kids is hard & sometimes he loses patience & I take one of them to give him a break & cuz I feel for the child. At ages 5 & 2 I worry that he expects too much from them & he says I am too soft. Its not easy thats all I know.
I think it is up to me to know my boundaries & focus on what I can do without hurting myself before I can tell him what my boundaries are if that makes any sense.
Love,
Diane