Nogard’s 2 year Tale
I came into recovery after an 11 year relapse that we loving call “research and development” to my horror I discovered that I could not use alcohol to prop up business pressures and my failing long term relationship, not to mention that I was not happy and had not been for the 20 years I had remained clean from 1975 – 2004. In that time I was drug free completely but stopped using a fantastic long term rehab in London but after 2 years was left with no support and without the concept of my addiction being a disease. In fact I thought I was cured and normal and was encouraged to think so. In that 20 years I did some amazing things including writing 11 books and having them published going to Uni and becoming a games designer/programmer. My disease used this time to keep obsessions going I was busy busy busy and I did everything to obsessive proportions.
In 2004/5 I discovered alcohol and slowly drank more and more. Within a year or two my addiction was in full flight and I started too demolish the business and all my relationships and of course myself. I managed to keep working until the last year and lost control of my bodily functions and was very sick.
Two years ago today I woke up as sick as ever and spent some time crawling across the floor to put the kettle on and then I had that ‘moment of clarity’ and saw I was at deaths door again and realised my addiction was back and killing me. I reached out here at SR and then at AA and then at NA and one day at a time for 730 days I have been doing the program; that is meetings (daily for me) talking to my HP daily, reading literature, service and spending time with members. At first I can not understand the steps and at around a year I started playing with them and told myself I was working them. Then when my Dad died in Dec last year I started using the steps in my daily live that is I started working them with my sponsor and putting them into action in my lief, this process continues for me.
Today I am happy too be Kevin, comfortable in my own skin and have found through my HP love and compassion for myself. Because of that I can now see everything clearer and have a perspective that continues to broaden and continues to amaze me. I no longer live in fear I live in love and try to act from love only. I have many friends and am content with everything just as it is. That is I accept whatever is at any moment. Of course I am not perfect but am progressing The compulsion to use went long long ago and the obsession to use was removed sometime after 3 months.
To say I did not do this alone is a joke as I all I did and continue to do is the footwork as I said above and am able to hand the rest over. My HP, the fellowship and all of you do the rest. On my own I would be dead or very lost, but together ‘one day at a time’ I get to realise myself and therefore everything else.
Thank you all. You have my love and support through time.
Kevin