I think I'm a hopeless cause. Some days I feel like giving up. The shame of what I'm about to tell you is overwhelming me.
Yesterday after work I had to go buy a birthday present for a friend's party last night and while I'm walking around the store I started crying. I didn't want to shop, I didn't want to be there, I didn't want to go to that party, it was raining outside.
I finally get to my car and I called my parents and cancelled our dinner date.
I called my other friend that I was supposed to pick up and take to the party to cancel but no answer.
I went to a different store and sat in the parking lot and cried. Never made it inside.
I absolutely was in so much pain I thought I would not make it through this weekend.
And then I did it.....I went and saw him. I called first and he was sober.
I know I'm a hopeless and worthless cause for caving in.
As I drove away from the house, I felt like I could make it through the weekend because I had gotten my fix.
After the party and I was alone I felt sick. I am so ashamed that I caved in. I know it was the wrong thing to do. I have no excuses.
All I know to do is start from today. I feel so ashamed.
