I think you feel like you ratted your wife out because she conditioned you to feel that way. She has kept you from speaking to anyone about it by letting you know in advance that if you did, she would consider it a betrayal. That's manipulation. The only opinion or help she wants you to consider is hers. So long as she can keep you isolated, she keeps you captive. She will have a fit if she finds out. So what.
What if no one cares that she has a great big tantrum. She gets what she wants by behaving in a way that makes you regret bringing it up.
She makes you regret bringing it up. My husband would withdraw affection if he felt betrayed in any way what so ever. That's what really hurt me most. I would have tolerated anything not to be pushed away.
It did come to the point where he pushed me away anyway, I was in his way. I was an expense.