Originally Posted by
AskingWhy 
Now, some sixty minutes later, why do I feel so guilty like I've betrayed my AW? She would kill me if she knew. Why am I feeling like this? Is this normal? Any comments or suggestions would be most helpful.
I too spoke with a pastor [even though I'm not religious], in hopes of getting my AH to admit his drinking problem...to no avail...I was the source of ALL his problems!
I continued to meet with the pastor by myself and found him to be a great support system in helping me realize that I WAS NOT going to watch my A KILL HIMSELF and take me with him! The fact is, YOU are drowning from all the weight that has been placed upon your shoulders in caring for the A [and family too]. Like anyone who is in the midst of completely drowning---they need a life-preserver to survive!
This pastor saved my life, literally. He helped me to accept that I did not cause it, I can no longer control it, and am completely incapable of curing it! I had to get out of the marriage or I was literally going to die from the misery it causes--- I chose life!
She will suck you completely dry! There just is no happy ending as long as we allow them to kill themselves, and they in-turn, destroy us in the process.
IT IS, WHAT IT IS and no amount of love will change it.