Welcome To SR Rosie,,,
I only recently started finding the answer to the same questions as yours when I spent that energy on ME.
I found the more I worried, obsessed (yes, I said obsess) and fantisized what he was doing and how much FUN he was having when I was so miserable. The more I took away from me. Then all of a sudden, BIG dope slap. DUH!!! Hasn't he taken ENOUGH from me?
For me, no contact, means no contact. Hardest thing I ever done. Battling my codie behaviours EVERY day. It relatively new to me, ( 6 days) but I am finding, the boundry is easier to keep with each passing day.
Do I wonder how he's doing? If he's ok? Even more, has he gotten sober? Is he "replacing" me with another enabler?
You know what, I don't care. Simply can't afford to care anymore. Ok, so thats a lie. I DO care, but the hp willing and the sun comes up tomorrow, I will continue to work at DETACHING.
The people here at SR have been an immense support for me at this time
KEEP POSTING and READING.
Do for YOURSELF
Peace