Lost, you need not apologize to us, rather we are just glad you came back and shared. We are all here because we are trying to get better, there are a lot of ways to do that, sometimes we need to keep trying until it just gets so painful we cannot do it anymore... other times, we have to go until it simply stops working... that was my method... booze just stopped working and all it did was made me feel bad... sorta like having anta abuse reaction to booze but without the anta abuse.
I am not going to beat around the bushes, you do need to make a decision, live or die. That is where you are at by the sounds of it. So what will your choice be?
I really hope that it will be to live.
Levi