Thank you all for the input. I really do appreciate it.
I have to be clear, i do have issues too. I realize that I do not handle conflict well. My initial reaction is to largely ignore it and to keep moving. My second reaction is to confront it and try to resolve it. If it persists, my general reaction is defensive and that is problematic.
I have recently seen that regardless of how "little" something may feel, I do need to learn to express it in a way that is safe so as to prevent things building up. Sometimes, it seems, the "little" things can build up inside and be a bigger problem than they really are.
I am learning that I am insecure about being loveable. I am a great lawyer. I am good on my feet in court, I can remain objective, I am able to argue the law, etc. So in terms of my profession, I am fine and confident. She is really good there, but lacks her own confidence in her abilities there; so, I am trying to support her by reminding her that she is good, etc... .
In contrast, for me, it seems to be about things like, her and I exchanged rings, not engagement yet, she is still married, but promise rings . A while later, I bought her a nice silver bracelet. She put on the bracelet and was excited, rightfully so, then without thinking said well if it is too much, I could just take off the ring... I, of course, became horribly hurt that she would want to take off the ring that I gave her as a symbol of my love... but rather than try to talk about it, I just told myself "you are over reacting, let it go...". Later in the day something came up and it all came out.
Not good. So the moral of the story seems to be that when something like that triggers something in me, which it did, i should talk about it rather than letting it build up.
I left it because I thought this was a result of my childhood and me feeling dumb b/c it should not be a big deal, etc., but it obviously really mattered to me and as she loves me she would have understood that... I guess the reality is that because of the messed up childhood I had, I have a hard time understanding what is important and what is not important and I have an inherited ability to put my "needs" aside and that results in anger.
Levi