I wasn't sure that what I wanted to say about it was appropriate. I wouldn't want it taken the wrong way. The other day when you had the meltdown, I knew it was leading to something unexplainable. It's obvious that your son loves you very much.
I think you had to be in that "place", to have expereinced what you are talking about in this one. Everything is OK and you know it. I sense your tranquility. Sometimes we pound the ground and we say we can't taken any more, God agrees.