Oh my, you want to talk about neglect. I moved away from my family with little more than a 48 hour notice. I "postponed" getting my master's and I was suddenly content to sit on my a$$ and get fat and my exAGF take adavantage of me. Neglect, shame, resentment, disappointment in yourself is all a part of it. It doesn't stop until you GET OUT and even then the road to picking yourself up is difficult. But first things first, you have to remove yourself from a bad situation. Trying to heal and grow in a relationship like you're in is like trying to grow a flower in a dark room. It just doesn't work. I hope you can find the strength to do what's best for yourself which seems to be to leave him. Good luck!